I miss you, niichan
by luvthatangiex
Summary: Sasuke misses his sweetest Aniki. Spoiler alert for after 402


Sasuke Uchiha was staring at the sunset. The sky was coloured in a bright shade of orange as the sun slowly dissapeared behind the reddish clouds. The wind was gently blowing, whispering words of beauty in Sasuke's ears,that made him feel even more lonely than he allready did. He slowly turned around just to meet Juugo, who was standing behind him.  
'Everything allright ?' Sasuke asked him. He was actually the only teammate he felt comfortable around. Juugo was quiet and he thought of his own misery a lot too, like Sasuke.  
'Yeah. Everything is okay now that I'm here, Sasuke. I feel like I can controll my powers.. I feel like.. he's still here…'  
When Juugo said "he" Sasuke automatically thought of his brother, though he knew that Juugo wasn't refering to him. He gently patted Juugo's shoulder,glancing one more time at the sun,then walking away.  
He kept walking until he got to his room in the Akatsuki hideout. He didn't feel okay here. It reminded him of Itachi, but then again, everything reminded him of his brother since he found out the truth.  
He got out of his shoes while sitting on his bed and took the guitar he found in the room from underneath his bed. He rested it in his lap and started playing on it. He never was much of a talent in theese things but he got in the hand of playing the guitar in the few weeks he had been in posesion of it.  
Soft music filled the room as Sasuke started playing one of his favourite songs, gently humming along, singing to release the misery he's been keeping inside.

_No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes  
And no one knows  
What it's like  
To be hated  
To be fated  
To telling only lies_

But my dreams they  
aren't as empty  
As my concience seems to be  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free

Sasuke's voice started trembling as a few tears of sorrow left his eyes and quickly ran down the pale, creamy cheeks of the raven boy. Why? Why had he kept such a secret from him? Why did no one tell him? Why did everyone hide the truth from him? And why? Why had they made his brother, his beloved brother do such things? Why did Itachi do it? Why didn't he kill him aswell? Why did he have to suffer? Sasuke had so many unanswered questions.. After Itachi died, after Madara had told him the truth more questions popped into his head but he realised then, that he'll never get an answer. His brother wasn't there anymore.. he would never be able to ask him, he would never be able to see him again, to talk to him.. to apologize for everything he had done wrong.

_No one knows what its like  
To feel these feelings  
Like i do, and i blame you!  
No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain woe  
Can show through_

By now Sasuke's cheeks were shining from the huge amount of tears that were racing their way down his cheeks and fell on the blankets he was sitting on. Sasuke's emotionless and cold eyes were now filled with sorrow, like they were on that dreadfull night so many years ago. It pained him to know he had hated Itachi for so long.. when Itachi loved him so much. It ripped him apart to know how he tried to hate him and how he fought against all his emotions, all his pain to seem worthy of killing his brother.. How could he have been so foolish?  
He hated himself for being such an idiot, believing everything Itachi had said.. He should have known.. he should have known that his kind hearted, loving big brother would have never done that. Never. He should have thought of something.. of an explanation for why he saw tears pouring down Itachi's face that night. Why did he bottle up all of his feelings? Why did he try to bury all the memories? Why had he been so blind not to see that he had everything in Konoha? Why didn't he listen to Kakashi-sensei, when he told him to let go of the revenge? He was to stubborn to do so. He should have listened..then Itachi would still be here..But it was to late for that.

_No one knows what its like  
To be mistreated,  
to be defeated  
Behind blue eyes  
No one know how to say  
That they're sorry  
and don't worry  
I'm not telling lies _

Pain shot throuhg the young Uchihas fragile body. He was shaking. The room was soon drained of the sweet sound of the guitar and filled with the shaky sobs ,and cries of agony of the boy sitting on the bed. All the pain he had kept inside exploded. Tears poured down his face in pure agony and hurt. The guitar fell to the ground with a small thud as Sasuke fell face-forward on the bed and started punching his pillow crying even harder than before.  
Since he killed Itachi he felt completley dead inside. Up until now the anger and his thirst for revenge kept him going, but now he killed Itachi and had his revenge. The avenger lost all he ever had and was left with nothing more than a bitter memory and an empty soul. He felt empty. He felt rotten. He wanted to die. He didn't want to live so alone anymore, he needed to apologize to Itachi, to see him again. He needed his Aniki to poke his forehead one more time..just one more time..  
Soon his tears drained and Sasuke sat up again, with his usual stonic face. He walked over to the window just to see sun finally hiding under the clouds but still shining from underneath them. He was tired of the pain. He was tired of suffering. He wanted to feel good.. like he did, back then, when his family was alive. He wanted to see his brother train, to feel the soft skin of his mother caress his cheeks. He wanted to hear the sweet laughter of his mother that filled the house, heck he even missed his father. He missed the old days, but most of all, he missed his brother… he missed that life he back at the kid he once was, a small smile crept up Sasuke's lips. It was like looking back at a younger brother whom he had lost.. He remembered everything he and Itachi had ever talked about.. every single detail. He remembered Itachi's smile and gentle voice.  
Then he remembered something Itachi had said few days berofe the masacre..

_'I'll always be there for you, even if you hate me… that's what being a big brother is.'_

Sasuke felt like he had a huge stone on his chest. He sighed and looked around to see the blue lake and forest beside their hideout. Sasuke opened his mouth as to say something but no words came out. He struggled more.  
' Do you hear me Itachi? Do you remember what you said? That you'll always be there for me? Do you remember that? I do… I'm sorry, nii-chan.. I'm so sorry.. I never knew .. I never understood what you did… I never tried to figure out what might have made you do what you did. I'm sorry for everything I just couldn't do right.. I'm sorry life was so rough on you..that you had to do such a thing.. I'm sorry I killed you before I knew the whole story.. I'm sorry for everything, Aniki.. I'm just a waste.. a nothing. I'm empty..I never felt so empty before.. When you passed away I felt like I'm all alone in the world.. You said you'll always be here for me, nii-chan, why did you leave me? You should have stopped me, you should have told me.. I would have listened..Forgive me…p-please.. that's all I ask of you brother… forgive me. Forgive me. I was foolish like you said.. but deep in my heart I've always loved you. I'm sorry...so so sorry Aniki…It's all my fault…'  
Tears were falling again,as Sasuke slowly fell to the ground against the wall and cried his heart out ocasionally screaming out of was it..he knew it.. his heart would never heal again.. Everything he tried so hard to hide will always be seen. The memories he tried to forget will always linger around. The emptyness he feels will never dissapear. This was his life.. he made it so far.. and along the road he always chose the wrong path.. he would have to live with all the wrong choises he maid, until the final day was to come.  
The raven sniffed and got up from the floor. He made his way to Itachi's former room and entered it. He walked towards so the bed and laid down, inhaling the sweet but allready fading scent of his brother. This was all that was left of him.. all that remained…  
Sasuke opened the drawer besides the bed, only to find an old picture of him and Itachi on a birthday of one of their cousins. Sasuke held the picture close to his heart, eyes tightly shut to stop any tears from emerging once again and slowly muttered udner his breath:  
_'I miss you nii-chan'_


End file.
